my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
