I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
