My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your cock deserves a montage
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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