this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
