does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
