just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
