i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
