Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
