I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
