I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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