Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
