I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
accomplished twins. life is a go
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize