apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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