my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
