the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
