I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
