don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
