ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
