I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
