She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
