Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
