No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
