Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
