The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
