I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
