new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
