Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
