Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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