I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
