I don't usually arrange sex via text message
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
