I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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