omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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