you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
