I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
