I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
