You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
