Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
