Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
