No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
