mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
