so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
