So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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