My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
