Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
dude. I can hear the air.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
