its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
