i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
