It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
