hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
