Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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