i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
