i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The beer is more important than you right now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
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